Gestational diabetes

Because I like to try on as many pregnancy complications as possible, I am now diabetic. It seems this developed sometime after my gallbladder surgery and it should go away once I deliver our little Sprout.

With Lucy, my pregnancy was considered high risk because she had a 2 vessel cord or SUA. That gave us the opportunity to see her almost weekly during the last 19 weeks of pregnancy. Sprout, not wanting to be undone by big sis, will also be photographed (ultrasound) almost weekly from here on out. Baby's growth will be carefully watched and hopefully baby won't grow too big for me to deliver at a healthy time and safe manner.

A lot of this falls in my lap. I have to be mindful of every bite of food that enters my mouth. It is essential that I know what I'm eating and monitor how it impacts my body. I monitor my blood sugar 4 times a day and take an insulin stimulant twice a day. To be thorough, I'm also regularly checking my blood pressure, drinking more water and adding more exercise to my routine.

All that said, I'm scared. Scared in a way I never remember during my pregnancy with Lucy. I worried and feared the worse every moment of that pregnancy. In fact, I didn't believe I was going to bring home a child until I finally held her, saw her and listened to her cry. But that was a different circumstance. I didn't have any control over that. This time, it all feels like my fault, my choices and therefore my burden. I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to get through this. I'm nervous that if I take one extra bite, that will be the bite that ends my baby's life. I'm terrified that this will get out of control, and take me and my baby with it. I feel toxic. I'm the problem this time. My body is unable to function properly and it's going to have an effect on my child.

The extra monitoring will help and hopefully provide peace of mind for me. Baby will be measured every four weeks. We are scheduled for a fetal echocradiogram on dec 30. (At least I know what all this stuff means this go round.) Starting in the third trimester, I'll have 2 NSTs a week and an AFi. Those measure baby's activity and fluid. I'll know this child well whenever we finally get to snuggle. Just as a hint: It seems I really know this child well;). We'll see who's paying attention.

I'm confident in my doctors and more confident in my God. This is yet another opportunity for our family to walk with God through tough, challenging and gloriously perfect times.